Day 2 of the Ritz Cruise Experience- Shower Beast
6:05 am. I am in bed. G, my husband has just handed me an in-cabin brewed cup of Nespresso coffee before he heads to the ship's gym to do his "I'm Staying Alive at 35" full body assault workout against his past 55 reality bod. I take a sip and think, "Good for him." Now at this point in our vacation I know I need to wash my hair. I gave it a break for a day, but it's getting a little grungy. I recall G saying the waterfall shower had good water pressure after his shower yesterday. So did the tub that I used which didn't have the usual jacuzzi jets like other cruise bathrooms but I like it this way better. The tub is actually quite large and roomy- great for a long soak in a bubble bath.
Let's just say I'm petite. I'm 5'0 feet tall and weigh a 100 pounds plus a cup and a half of sand. Truth be told make that a bucket of sand, thank you COVID lockdown. I get up and immediately step on the decorative pillow meant for the bed. I put it back on the bed. There's no place to store it at night so it's going to sleep on the floor every night whereby I get to step on it every morning. Yes, another cruise ritual has begun.
Entering the bathroom I again admire it's elegant efficiency. Yes, I'm agreeing with G's apt description of the Emvira's signature suite description. Some other pluses to the bathroom are two hooks on the back of the bathroom door. I have a place to hang my PJ's and robe and the other hook can serve to hold my bath towel close to the shower. There's no place to hang towels other than on the small towel bar that is outside the shower door. The hooks are handy.
I open the shower door and see it's another economy of elegant space. Shampoo, conditioner, and liquid soap dispensers are conveniently supplied. There is a square rain shower head in the middle of the shower. Now there are three square knobs on the shower wall. The right one looks to be tied to the hand held shower nozzle as it is the closest to that knob. The middle knob has the tell tale little button that tells you if you want to scald yourself press away and have fun with it. The left knob I'm guessing is rain shower experience. No clues or icons to tell me what's what, so I am on my own here.
I'm a logical person so I think the knob closest to the hand held shower will turn that on. I turn the left position and then turn the water temperature knob far shy of the scald button and I pull! I am astonished to see a fire hose option undisclosed before now in the middle of the rain shower head as cold water gushes everywhere in the bathroom as I still am outside the shower weighing my options. Okay, that didn't work so I try again.
Left, check fire hose, got it. So now I try the right knob. I position the water temperature a little closer to the scald button and hold my breath. Pull! I'm immediately blasted in the face with warm water from the conveniently positioned hand held nozzle that just happens to be turned towards me and right at my statuesque 5'0 height. Before I can shut off the snake off I've managed to completely flood the bathroom floor and have given myself a full shower to boot. I think to myself, "We're going to need more towels." I manager to shut the hand held nozzle off.
Standing like a drowned cat in a sloshing pool of water on the bathroom floor, I am thinking the bathroom should come with instructions that start with "Caution! Do not use the shower until you have thoroughly acquainted yourself with these instructions and illustrations, because logical thinking will not save you."
Third time. Be a charm for me will you? I am running out of floor space and more water will definitely flood the bedroom if I don't get this right. I position both knobs back to neutral and just pull the middle knob. A perfect rainfall shower begins to flow as G described. I quickly step in and bask in the rush of falling warm water. The shampoo and conditioner become a bit of a challenge to use, but I manager to get my head out of the rainfall with just enough space to barely wash, rinse and repeat. There's no way I can use the handy foot rung presumably to help one shave their legs. You'd have to be a contortionist to manage that feat, so my legs will have to go "au naturel" today.
I turn off the shower and open the door to reach my towel. I have managed to flood the entire floor so I use the rest of the towels to mop up leaving G with just a hand towel to use when he comes back from the gym. I shove the wet towels in the separate toilet room and get dressed. I do a light make up regime and I am now ready to tackle my wet hair. I look through the drawers in the bathroom and check the wardrobe drawers. No hair dryer. there must be a hair dryer, right? Ten minutes later there's still no such sign of a thing. My hair may have to go "au naturel" today too.
G's back and I am hoping he doesn't need to use the toilet room. He passes by the door and goes into the bedroom area. As he heads towards the shower I tell him there's no hair dryer. He counters that he found it yesterday as he pulls the only drawer in the bathroom I didn't open on his side of the sink. After 28 years of marriage I feel there are still boundaries that shouldn't be breached and that includes your own personal barhroom drawer for each. He pulls out the dryer which is magically plugged into his drawer. He steps into the shower with no issues as I finish my grooming routine for the day.
I have to stop here and just say the blower dryer is all Barbie girl sized and a bright lime green color, as well. Kind of cute, but very out of character for hte marble clad vanity and walls. Hair done, G steps out of the shower whereby I hand him the hand towel.
G immediately looks around and says, "I thought we had towels last night."
To which I reply, "Me too, but this is all we have."
As G goes into the bedroom to get dressed I point the blower dryer at the shower beast and say, "Take that you shower beast." I blow off the imaginary smoke from the Barbie Blow Dry gun and put it back in G's drawer.
"What?" asks G from the bedroom.
"It's nothing," I say as I wink in the mirror.
G's wearing a perplexed expression on his face as we head out for breakfast which will become hhis permanent expression as he is after all traveling with N, that's me!
